Girls and boys fued (jokes)

THE PROBLEM WITH GUYS (this is so true)

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If you Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll Lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he Tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.
If u don't Let him KISS u, he says u don't Love him;
If u let him KISS! ! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u Don't, he says dat u don't TRUST him
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your Exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does Well, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE! !

Guys are in fact really so troublesome & sooo hard to please!
I just want to add one more ..If you send this to guys, they will say it's not true …
But if you don't, they say you are selfish ..

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DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

Guyzzzzz dont try this at home...

girl: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
boy: What time was it??

girl : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
boy: Don't you ever want to improve??

girl : I would go to the end of the world for you!
boy: Yes, but would you stay there??

girl : I love you and I could die for you!
boy: How soon??

girl : Say you love me! Say you love me!
boy: You love me...

girl : When we get engaged will you give me a ring??
boy : Sure, what's your phone number??

girl : Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
boy : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...

girl : Do you have a phone number I can reach you on?
boy : Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!

girl : I'd like to call you. What's your number?
boy: It's in the phone book.
girl : But I don't know your name.
boy: That's in the phone book too.

girl : I want to give myself to you.
boy : Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

boy: You remind me of the sea.
girl: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
boy : NO, because you make me sick.

Gals never try this at home

Boy : I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours!
Girl : I'm a plastic surgeon, I've been looking for a face like yours!!!

Boy : Hi! didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
Girl : Must've been once, I never make the same mistake twice!!!

Boy : May I have the pleasure of this dance?
Girl : No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

Boy : How did you get to be so beautiful?
Girl : I must've been given your share!!!

Boy : Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Girl : It's hot!!!

Boy : Will you come out with me this Saturday?
Girl : Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

Boy : Your face must turn a few heads!
Girl : And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

Boy : Go on,don't be shy. Ask me out!
Girl : Okay, get out!!!

Boy : I think I could make you very happy
Girl : Why, are you leaving?

Boy : What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
Girl : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

Boy : Can I have your name?
Girl : Why, don't you already have one?

Boy : Shall we go and see a film?
Girl : I've already seen it!!!

Boy : Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Girl : Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

Boy : You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind.
Girl : Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!

Boy : When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down..
Girl : And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!

Boy : You know when they made u they must have broken the mold.
Girl : Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!

Boy : Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you?
Girl : Roses are red, Violets are blue, i'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!

Boy : Did you miss me while I was away??
Girl : Were you away??

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DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

1. NAMES:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


4. BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go for shopping, to water the plants, empty thegarbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

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SECRET LOVE LETTER

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....However, the girl's father does not like him and want them to stop their relationship. ..... and so.. The boy wrote this letter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..

1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11. 13 (Odd No.'s) go read it once again but the Odd Number lines...

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MARRIED AND SO .....

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar… you know… they have frozen glasses… "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious… I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that…"

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR GOD DAMN BEER IN YOUR F*CKING FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F*CKING HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A F*CKING BAR! THAT SH*T IS OVER…GOT IT, AS*HOLE?"

and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story.