Humour for the ladies

This one is for the ladies

 

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

 

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
 
He yelled back, "Newcastle United."

And they say blondes are dumb...

----------------------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
 
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
 
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
----------------------------------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he  stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

 

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. 
----------------------------------------------------------

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
 
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and Fart.
----------------------------------------------------------

 What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
 
A: A rumour
----------------------------------------------------------

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh!! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
 
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
 
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
 
Gotta love that fairy!
----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lord,
 
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN 
---------------------------------------------------------- -

Q: Why do little boys whine?
 
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
 
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
 
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
 
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
 
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

 

Shared by : Sarah Sanders, October 17, 2006